Keep Quiet

Where's the connection?
One cannot see..
Is it beyond the spectrum
of these eyes?
There's a firm feeling,
It is..
It is something I expect,
and expect not..
Certain, yet uncertainty
meets together..
Yes, God like.
Divine?
You took that path
to which I left
being blind..
Vibes whisper
more than they can..
All I do is,
Keep Quiet.

did you have?

Should I,
or should I not?
Such a dwindling
thought,
brought forth now
and then,
Only to create
more problems..
Damn it!
Start some other
work,
many tasks pending..
Reverberating inside
this li'l head,
hammering fast
than slow instead..
Leaving at last
facing what passed,
Dawns a simple realization,
Oh!
I forgot today to have my
breakfast!

I prefer dark

Is there a darker
word than darkness?
There must be.
As I can see,
what seems
the darkest
where invisibility
matters.
It's safe there,
from prying views.
Views, which don't
let themselves see.
Names written on
black boards with
black ink;
Can you see?
That's what I wish for..
The blackest thing,
Darkest of all,
Sans human being,
Where in all probabilities
I can see the Mysterious,
the Supreme,
playing, writing, molding
our unpredictable
dreadful destinies..

Promise

I promise
I will search not
Find not
for those gone..
Look back not..
The moment's hold
will be my truth..
But then,
promise me too..
While I do this,
You will take care
of my inside
bleeding heart..

Who's coward?

Registered not any where..
Traces absent everywhere..
Sounds unheard,
Are they there?
The clock strucks every hour.
Nothing much,
Lost the power..
What goes in mind?
Endless thoughts,
Unmade towers..
Hard to accept;
You have to lose,
Despite knowing,
You're not a coward!

A sin

Ignorance..
Was it a bliss?
Vulnerable..
I was.
But I didn't commit a sin!
Altar was too high,
Lord's place was yours,
Were you in sleep?
Awaken or astray,
I do try but know,
No need now,
What happens and how,
There's a deep vow,
Manages my life,
Somehow..
And I have to thank
each moment..
Yes,
I didn't commit a sin!

A route taken

No, I cannot read people's minds.
Is there a need?
Yes, maybe to be on the safer side.
What safer is needed,
when you know what exactly
is needed?
Be cautious, always?
On the guard, always?
No, I've to learn still
such ways..
Give me a simple road,
Is there not one?
Okay, let it be then.
I'll go as I please
through the longer route
with ups and downs..
Yes, I may frown.
Never think,
I'll ever bow down.
I'll not bother much
even if tears stop
or smiles tell to go along..
If I take a route
I'll complete if not with
success,
or maybe blown
away by storms,
One thing's sure..
without much worry
I'll move on..

Life teaches..

Muddy waters
keep my boat
afloat,
I jump into
them leaving
this boat;
While I see her
pouring salt to
those,
making me do so
too a bit more..

Within..

There's no need
for a communication
when it goes on
within you..
The universe starts
speaking the truth..
The truth,
its search completes
all within you..
Not an internet or
a mobile phone
or any other connection
is felt necessary..
When heart demands,
the depths outreach
answers,
Waiting for replies,
your silent in depth cries
are finally muted
with hidden answers..
Nature brings forth
such circumstances
which finally bring
you all the answers,
that were lying
all the while,
Within..

Answered..

I prayed..
I prayed, and prayed..
and prayed, and..
I realized my prayer
was being answered
all this while..
while I was busy simply
praying,
wishing, wanting, and
asking for a lot more..
without knowing what
and why and how..
Impossible are certain things
for a small mind to understand
or cope with,
heart repents the guilt for
what was done or undone,
corrections are impossible..
The only way left is,
a prayer..
So,
I prayed..

I prayed, and prayed..

and prayed, and..

I came to know

the answers..

Answers whenever or

for whatever queries

I had..

Instantly were given..

From someone within 

my heart..

I knew not,

when and why and how

it happened?

See..
My prayers are being

finally answered..

Prema

For a teacher,
there are many pupils..
In a pupil's life
lesser teachers..
If a teacher remembers
one or few of them
even after many-many years,
then that pupil must be
someone special out of many.

I remember;
must say,
would like to remember one
who taught us
in the beginning
of our journey;
she was only for a year;
still swept suddenly all fears..
Appreciation and love open from her
Never applied comparisons,
a cause of agony;
Ever smiling with expressive eyes;
For her every student was
the most bright..
Encouraged a lot;
Brought in us what we were not..
Never again such teacher I got;
Lord had sent her not to be forgot..

Once she reappeared for a day...
A li'l baby in her arms did lay,
Reminding us of morals
she had instilled in us
through biblical stories
and songs during meetings
to pray..

Many things I miss while
I wish I had much more
about her to say;
Maybe God brings me
to her someday;
She's remembered much
by her name (meant 'love')
With memories so true
I and many others longingly pray..

Again never came

I looked at her
Thinking,
Maybe she'll too
And our conversation
will begin

***

But she didn't
I looked again
Thinking,
Someday she'll look at me
And we'll talk again..

***

I hear
She's dead
Never will I look at her
Never will she look at me..

***

I think now
Why I just looked and waited?
I should have gone and
started our conversation again..

***

Certain things never happen

Mad?

That afternoon
Sunday perhaps
When I was with..
You took me all around
Showed me things sound
Making me understand
My imagination said
Something's more than said
Just keep balanced your head
Closing my eyes
Expecting fish,
A beautiful one indeed
What I saw?
Yes, it was a fish
Maroon with protruding
Forked tongue
Dreadful and I had to
Open my eyes
The reality seen
No beauty
Scary
A tiny sapling was brought
We took it to dry mud
Outside's hot sun
Still I didn't run
Uncomfortable
Yet to learn lessons
Why?
I dug a bit of ground
and miniature plant was sown
Watching every bit of it
Like nothing before
Like nothing else was important
I knew
I was nothing too
And was everything
When nothing bothered
While mother shouted
"She's gone mad!!!"

बरबस

 चले  कदम
अनमने से
हाँ ..,
थके-थके से
ढूंढ रहे
बारी-बारी ..
इक चौबारा
 कोई गाँव किनारा
 जहाँ दोबारा
फिर कदम चलें
कुछ मद्धम
कुछ तेज
 कभी रुकें ठिठकें संभलें
कभी गति टालें फिर यों समझें
क्षण भंगुर भोले भाले
नभ के बादल कारे-कारे
बिजुरी संग सावन सिंगार करे 
बैंगनी-नारंगी भर डारी-डारी
झूले हरियाली बन मतवारी
छूके पवन करे  नृत्य गगन
मन खो गाये
मत जा, आ री आ री
कब  बोल उठे
मैं हारी हारी ...

Spiced not

They were told
Something,
And some more..
Maybe much-much more..
Couldn't help
Unable to keep to themselves..
So?
They came to me
Asked me
What they had heard..
From whom?
They didn't..
They couldn't..
They were barred maybe..
So?
What they expected?
Obvious..
For me,
To complete the story..
Interesting!
I had to add
Add more and more
Did I?
I didn't..
I gave them addresses
For them to see
What they looked for..
Never bothered again
What they did..
Or not..
Addresses?
Where I'm supposed to live
Where I'm not
I hope now,
What they wanted,
They did got!

My Prayer..

Tortured enough!
No more such torture
will occur..
Steps to this place
will never show.
Your remembrance
will be erased as if
never appeared..
Your images were few,
with time they'll be blurred..
Your identity is yours:
No more I'll dig no more
I'll ask..
It's not at all meant for me:
It's engraved in my mind,
Forever..
Strengthened within,
God has finally answered
My Prayer..

lessons

I watched the new day arrive
Brighter than the other days,
it seemed..
Despite awakening whole night,
my face with happiness beamed..
Yellow flowers bloomed on
otherwise plain trees,
I looked down from the same place my
eyes had many times your image seen..
Darkness was as if made for me,
My reward was plenty of gloom..
Deep down I knew nothing was my
fortune.
No one to care,
No one to share;
Even if, God happened to send some day
I will ever ask, why not you? why?
But the new day that arrived that day,
Seemed to say, enough is enough!
You've stood too long, now you've to go
Ev'n if there's no one left to say a good bye
That day I gave brakes to thinking..
That day was made just for me
That day I didn't stand there
I didn't need to go there any more..
I came down from there forever
I went to the place where I saw light
I didn't knew I wasn't yet right
Hoping,
Someone will be there
Someone willing to share
Someone willing to dare
But none was there
Yes, I cared and I failed
Again and again
Many times
Till I sat with no hope
And finally when one made for me arrived
I was left with,
No smiles, no hopes, no desires
I simply had to live on
Realizing,
God doesn't fulfill our wishes
God gives many-many lessons in disguise..

Am I? Am not..

Lately, I have been wondering,
Am I a psychotic?
This led me to read some about it..
Broadly peaking,
Psychosis is a loss of contact with
reality;
Delusions, having false beliefs about what
happening, and
Hallucinations, seeing or hearing that is
not there..
I fear I don't have any of these..
In the mean time, I keep confirming
myself and those my own..
My beliefs are due to certain happenings
that took place in reality..
Reality wrapped in deceit..
What I heard or read definitely took
place..
I had the proof..
Proof of certain things which I had
to correlate..
Correlate and think..
Think and think, beyond my scope..
In due time, all was gone..
It could have continued, had I more
prolonged..
Now when I reflect, I'm left dazed..
Nothing correlates much..
People laugh with ridiculous gaze..
I don't know how or what happened..
Was it a mischief or a planning?
Whatever maybe the reason,
I'm not the same..
When alone, I keep thinking..
Am I a psychotic or something
happened for a reason?
Temptation to go back and dig
happens sometimes..
It leaves me exhausted as no
reason I find..
I don't know what to do,
To feel sorry or to thank God,
I wonder,
Is He really kind?
Why can't He answer me,
when I keep asking?
There lies the answer,
I'm not a psychotic..

"If you talk to God, it's prayer;
If God starts talking to you, it's schizophrenia.."

Thank you..

I knocked at your door
I thought you were inside
Your voice audible suggested,
I was right..
You came,
Slammed the door on my face,
And went away inside..
My mind had stopped me;
My heart brought me
at your doorstep outright..
'Thank you' from my heart..
I had expected this,
I was right..

simply

I've prevented myself
No more I go
No more I see
No more I try to understand
Beyond all doubts
Answers I don't seek
I don't even expect
I simply write

kind?

I'm scared
Yet I dare
To enter your premises
Just to watch your flowers
Scared because you're watching
I try my best to stop
Succeed too
But then surrounded by clouds of doubt
Am pushed in that direction
Promising myself never again I'll go
Only to break them once more
Forgive me as till today I'm blind
Expecting nothing
Believing despite being rude
The other is kind

Blind

I believe.
And also I doubt.
Beliefs are plenty
And so are certain doubts.
Sometimes doubts outshine beliefs..

You can see me.
I understand, I believe, It's fine..

Can you hear me too?
I wonder, How possible every time?

'Cause in such spheres denial is all I hear,
In all possibility it's a crime..

Now, what I think there's no one hearing,
Maybe watching if I give attention prime..

Most probably, it's all only in my mind,
For words reflect more than what's seen
or heard..

They tell much more than that..
Amazed, when they show what I thought
in my mind..

What's happening?
When will I know?
Will that ever happen?
Till then, or maybe more than this life-time,
I will remain blind..

before disappear..

As words appear in the garden of mind
And soon prepared to disappear
Before they float away
I searched for paper
But could find none
My handkerchief came handy
Words took form on it
Still some managed to disappear..  

Help me

Don't weaken me
For weak I am
Instead
Strengthen me
Help me
In forgetting You
In forgiving You
In living me live my present
Happily
..till my breath last
With full knowledge
That
You are no where
Just existed in my thoughts
Just b'cause
You just cannot come back..
Just bid me a final
Good bye..
Don't come back
Ev'n in my thoughts..
Don't You see,
I'm trying my best
To play my real part..
Good bye, sweet-heart!

If..Anywhere..

I know that
You know
What I'm thinking
Every bit of it
Past, Present and Future
You know
What is happening
Tell me
Speak to me
Come to me in person
If You can see me
If You can hear me
If You know me
Please..
Stop playing with me
I'm weak
I'm not strong enough
To keep guessing and going on..
I leave and then have to come
To confirm that
You're there where I felt You
Only to realize
You fail me
Either come and meet me
Or just let me be me
As if I never even thought
about You..
If You ever for once truly loved
Or just go away forever
from my thoughts, dreams, passions
As if You never existed..
Anywhere..

Analyse

Psychiatrist,
who knows nothing
Cannot go inside and
see the minds
What's going on inside
Listens not a thing
Assuming each being coming
to him/her is imagining
Has read few words
Just prescribes drugs
These days they say
Trance Psychiatry has
come into play
Where meditating minds fail
to hold what comes their way..
Deeper is the deepest thought
Pause before a diagnosis is made
Hoping someday  disorders are
better arrayed
Till now,
Are we betrayed?

decide..

Weirdest of weird things happen
Leaving one shocked
Even if you think like a monk
You feel like running
Till you feel weird again..
"Stop!
Where are you heading?"
Says the mind,
Normal or abnormal,
Who decides?
It's all in the mind,
No where else such things reside..
Accept what happens,
Feelings keep aside..
"Who has time to think in today's
times?"
Weirdest of weird things happen
again..
Being 'different', 'leaving a mark';
they say with pride..
I listen and laugh inside..
Who decides?