Peace, here.

Today, 
I went to find some peace.
Alas! a place, 
wrong and without an ease.
Where is God?
Is He so displeased?
Needs efforts too much,
never to cease..?
After all the well known readings,
why the heart seems freezed..?
So much of talk,
what actually it gives?
An ache of heart and mind,
leaving soul diseased.
Rules regulations made by man,
who cares when broken like a breeze?
No one understands, I'm sure.
Preachings do nothing but lure.
Money avoided, just to find,
Ah! it is the last cure.
Don't push.
Don't preach.
Don't regulate.
Don't judge.
Just because, I'm all worries
or unsure, so without words.
Oh! I don't think I need 
a guru for assistance.
You say, I'll find a way
then why resistance?
I cannot follow blindly.
I see no perfection,
when you cannot face an argument,
despite so much meditation.
Where's calmness?
Where to surrender?
My laughter flows,
at your helplessness grows.
Guilty, make me not.
I'm not a perfect.
I agree, I do rot.
Sorry, I leave your place.
I see, as you say, 
"What a disgrace!"
Now being alone,
can talk to God , 
on my own.
"Oh my God,
I'm alone, I hope, 
you know.
As a God, 
You should but know.
If You're there, 
You must care.
If something goes unfair, 
You too have to share.
Are You above those mountains high,
where I've to reach to say You just, 'Hi!'?
Or are You smiling up above the sky?
Oh God, I don't have knowledge,
so Your ways I cannot pry?
E'en then, 
just let me try."
Thinking none, 
and close my eyes.
Taking deep breaths, 
forget the sighs.
Thanking the Unknown Power, 
for I'm still alive.
Slowly I lose outside, 
taking a deeper dive.
What I am or what I want, 
keeping everything aside.
Yeah now,
I feel peace inside!
...
There is peace inside.
...
Go within. 
Feel. 
Let it no more hide.
There is the Lord, whom I search,
forever to abide.
Rest,
I should keep aside.

Mothers, loving creatures.

You say, you have a loving mother.
I see, you have an undoubtedly loving mother.
I envy how she clears all your stuff,
the cupboard, your hub,
saving you from silly bothers.
Ah the result, an uninterrupted study.
You wonder, what's new in that?
Mothers are like that.
Sorry, I didn't mean that.
Should I share or not?
Oh, it has happened many times,
Now, I hide not.
When I'm with a book, my mother cribs.
She doesn't know how much 
this attitute in me high dose toxin instils.
I feel like crying, but I do not.
What the last line I was reading, I forgot.
I've stopped sending laundry home instead.
To save money I do my bit.
What she expects from me, 
Should I become maid or what?
She doesn't like any of my friends.
Please avoid coming my home,
she'll make me feel ashamed!
She may scold me badly infront you.
You may think to say me forever adieu.
Never mind, I'll save our friendship.
I'll do for you an extra bit.
But, don't unfriend me, please..
She's like that. I always hide it.
She screams, abuses, hates me like sin.
I feel like an abandoned, without kith or kin.
Sometimes I make her proud, as she claims.
She has her problems then she blames.
She's fine but for only a short while.
She finds no fun amongst the work that piles.
She has no help, so she yells.
She then makes for me, a real hell.
To put aside books, is impossible for me.
To be selected in a professional course,
has become a curse for me.
Your father arranged for you tuitions,
and mine, he denied.
The reason I had to burn more midnight oil.
It took more time to achieve what I wanted to be.
And there went the credit to parents who never
bothered what I would be.
They could have been more considerate, I know.
Education I think helps to think so.
Oh! They both were well educated, to my dismay.
Today, I'm striving to be a mother whose love
is sought.
Who shouts with displeaure when feels unproud.
Luckily, my husband understands what I went through.
He provides cushion in times of such blues.
A sixth sense I wish, all mothers had.
What their child needs long before their tears are shed.
What if mother becomes the cause of tears?
Refuses love and support, leaves child alone to bear?
Speaks harsh words imprinting everlasting bruise.
Still, she's mother because she brought in such world,
where all's not true, like,
Mothers are loving creatures.

Let be.

I'm standing in the centre.
All shouting at me.
All have different reasons.
I wonder, 
All against, 
Oh! e'en God?
Then, who's with me?
I see, 
God's on this side too;
Just testing me.
My sons and their father,
the precious gifts.
What else than the strength 
to expect from life?
Let what be, be.
Have you gone through certain tasks?
Gone through dark shades no sun to bask.
Is there a mother who curses her newborn?
Who knows not why she's born.
Is there a father who leaves forlorn,
never bothers to see for years and come?
Time heals, though leaves ugly scars.
Was there no option for them to scare 
and fight not?
Was not enough love left for them to share 
or they forgot?
What price was paid?
A rebellion was born or made?
Frightful childhood, is it worthy of praise?
God came for help as paved some way;
was followed by brothers only.
Blessed with education, to know and to pray.
Life is beautiful despite glooms,
Now and then, to be amazed.
Nature comes forward.
Affection flows from an unknown source, 
whatever the case. 
Teachers become the guiding source.
Ups and downs put more,
keeping inspiration ablaze.
My path is a bit different.
I asked for help.
Help from those,
whom the world calls, our own.
I saw people being helped from own.
Was denied time and again.
Tried hard, only led to blame.
Then, gave up.
Fought alone and felt grown up.
Surprisingly, small victories added.
Peace of mind, slowly met it.
Confirming, what I did, was right
and long deserved it.
Now, no need to please everyone.
What pleaseth heart has to be done.
Norms when followed impressed none.
Suddenly I felt, I've won.
Their sons behave as what in their minds,
they've fed it.
Though I'm alone, still with better company.
Where no one to put down, or deal with treachery.
No burdens along except truth and strong will.
Hard work confirms I'll get what I till,
depending on the amount of drill.
I don't need to ask, if I'm wrong?
Love in the heart, when not dealt tenderly, sours it.

Life is beautiful

Death is scary,
When life is beautiful.

I died yesterday.

It was a dream.

I was left behind
to be burnt
in the funeral pyre.

My son said,
Our life was not the same.

I can well imagine.
After all,
It was his very own dream.

He was angry with me.
Why you painted that God?

And a dreadful red scene.
It all led to my sorrowful dream.

I consoled him,
Such dreams hold opposite meanings.

It provides longevity instead.

Though within,
I was correlating..

Am I wandering?
Pushing myself to extremes.
When I need to just relax and 
feel the beam..

One thought leading to another.
Day dream,
It's enough now..

I must come back to life
No matter what it brings.
I will write and draw better scenes.

Not dreamy, but a fact..

Shiva, the Lord.
Thy Name was chanted.
Innumerable moments witnessed.
Someone's agony echoed.
Darkness to prove.
Light was distant, dreamy.
Shortcomings in a prayer,
The reason, not cured?
Asked when at halt,
'Why Thy've come,
when Thine Name not chanted,
nor anything asked?'
In turn, was asked 
the world, and answers 
understood not then,
with time discovered..
Sati was not the destiny
that waited in years..
Thy will was to see
Meera instead..
And went away again to 
Let it be suffered..?
Is it not true that,
A prayer or whatever be
an offering,
reaches the Supreme:
Thy name, Krishna.
The destiny, toughest?
Punishements instead?
Fears wait ahead?
It may be late,
Still guide
to the Light,
that is not dreamy,
but a fact..

Prayer is the answer..

Someone is no where..

I see around,

and find no where..

Still believe, is there..

In mind?

In thoughts?

Where?

Soul agrees..

So, I have to..

Dvinity appears to affirm.

I see,

Past is not gone any where..

It remains.

In the roots.

Is never gone.

Sheds leaves and regrows, more and more..

Changing forms and shapes.

Is seen every where!

Someone asks me,

How can I be so sure?

No proofs yet.

I have no answer.

I cannot answer.

Made to feel small?

No issues, I am small.

Quit, is the word..

Asks me to let go the one,

who has no role in the present.

Is it so?, 

I ask myself..

And again,

I have no answer.

Beyond my capacity.

I cannot handle.

Shall I....?

I remember,

Prayer is the answer..

Created by Thee..

"Who are You?"
This is an old one..,
Ask something new..
Yes it's both old as well new,
for each day brings the same new..
Every moment I'm with You,
and it's very true..
No one is alarmed and so am I,
as no one is harmed and so say I..;
Perfect timing for all, 
and I say, "..but why?"
I see responses in everything,
seek answers in the sky even when dim;
And they are written as if 
already knowing, 
what and how I felt within..
Supernatural or more, it is divine.
I cannot express all as am afraid myself,
"Am I lying?"
No, not delusions this time,
as definitely God Himself playing a dime..
I'm not a winner in any sense,
losses incurred cannot be regained.
What's gone is gone, is a lesson
repeated in mind to erase a trace..
Still something is there present,
though my eyes refuse to gaze,
my heart knows well and leaves unwell..
How can God be crazy and chaotic?
Is it some magic?
I seek and get answers..
As if my mind already read by Someone..
As if He knows what I think or act next..,
and answers lie ahead..
Am I crazy?
May be..
And there's no help from humans..,
for they cannot understand my plea.
Even You cannot,
for this chaos is created by Thee..

No choice..

Silence, 
I wish was there..
Unknowingly, 
it's about the noise I care..
One after another, 
plays the same song..
Deliberate or by mistake, 
it's unclear..
'Alas, I don't let any change come along.'
Lately, 
realized in a prayer..
I hear the whirring wings of bees at night,
fancying heather being visited to gather pollen..,
and soft giggles avoiding goose bumps while  
startling elves appear upon their brown backs..
Flashes and lights, too much to bear and
aimless wandering in distant places I never hear..
Screams of disgust being throttled then and there,
understood thoughts pop up suddenly to handle,
'Where's time.., what a wastage sheer?'
Eyes wide awake fumble for lights..
pending tasks creating chaos in slumber, 
hard to steer..
I've no choice, 
but to work late at nights..

What knocks..?

Knock..knock..,
a tap at the heart door,
that only I can hear..

'Is it some ghost story..?',
I know certainly, you fear..

A dual reality holds me,
or may I hold it dear..

Sometimes found hazy, 
at times felt so crystal clear..

Tales colorful or 
wrapped in dull shades,
sharing laughter or tear..

Lessons to live lively or bravely bear..

Brought forth from far away or
happening near..

Leaving imprints forever,
year after year...,
    year after year...,
        year after year...

The God

Are you the God?
The God..who's not so far
Who remains within,
knows all before we ask?
You, the God, listens..
Listens, to what I talk..
Talk, that happens with myself?
If I were a child..
A child, that in Your eyes..
In the eyes of God that I am..
Yes, if I were a child in years too,
and then would have cried to the loudest..
To the sky to hear what I go through each day..
Played with You day and night,
without anyone ever knowing..
And then over joyously, to rejoice in Your name
wanted to share everything..
Every minutest detail, I find hard to explain..
Ashamed and unashamed of my thoughts and deeds,
it's the guilty conscience that slowly seeps..
I cannot think much, beyond an explanation my mind can ever think..
Just feel, a feeling something going on..
A happening every second in my life..
In every one's life, which I cannot feel, or may be can try a bit..
I know I'm going no where..
No where, because it's not a mere imagination,
happens every day in subtle thoughts and actions..
It happens once in a while, and sometimes seems occurring in series..
Understandable or not, matters not.., and I let things be..
Let them be as they ought to be, on there own, no interference from my own.
Spiritual? or some more deep? May be, but the way is too steep..
And I think I'm giving up, because I'm nothing, I realize..
Just playing with words or are they hidden meanings, deep..?
My eyes not cooperating nor my fingers..
While my mind awake..,trying to remember a few incidents out of many..
Again becoming a child, rather meeting a child who seems awaken
after sleep, still knowing sharing is no use, because..
No one listens or believes..
Now, may I ask you,
"Are You the God, I every day somewhere, in someone,
Meet?
or
A perfect human, who knows how to act like,
the God?"