never say..

I wonder
how much strength
is within
that stays..
Keeping me
wishing while
I pray that,
there is at
an indefinite distance
a day, when finally
clouds of doubts
will forever go away,
and much more..,
I can dream about
but never say..
Hoping, He's above
who knows what
I mean to say..

Far away..

There's no moon tonight
No stars shine
Dusk hangs at the corner
of sky
While clouds drizzle
Dreaming white birds
not yet arrived
Their nestlings
eagerly waiting in
hanging nests
Taking me to
that day when
I wished I too
could fly far away..

Heard?

Your
painful humiliations,
burning bickerings,
pricking accusations
fail to reach me..
Immeasurable distances
proudly declare..
Waves of musings
gladly share..
Simple ways are
finally here..
My heart is ready
with all to bare..
I find no reason
to fear..
Whether it's fair
or unfair..
Heard at last
is my prayer..

A shame..

It's a shame,
on me
and my emotions..
You've remained,
a pure delusion..
Self control is
all talk about..
I need none!
If I had, say;
will it all be
as clear as the Sun?
I doubt howsoever
happens..
Left insecure..
How much, what not
has burned?

don't..

You know what..
That is inexplicable..

A magic or a plan?
Messages received..

Conveyed so easily..
Was it necessary?

Actually,
I'm ignoring you..

So,
Please Don't
Make Me Happy...

Uncluttered..

I may write a word,
Or two,
Or may be more
If I think so,
Without looking in
different directions,
And they become my
very own;
Uninfluenced, pure.
When comparisons happen,
Energy dissipates in all directions;
Unfocused, lost concentration,
No achievements,
Just loss loss loss,
At all levels.
No matter how meager
are the means,
How small is an effort,
Start always with
Your own,
With mind uncluttered.

Sight halved..

I closed my eye.
Not both,
One eye..
Looking only one side,
The half of sight..
Ignoring the other..
Temptation left to open
the other eye.
Soon one disappeared
And, I was left with
an eye..
This time, the sight was not half,
It was just enough for
my one eye..!

Meant to do..

You've not made my road straight
There are many twists and turns
There are many bumps and bends
There are times I need no one
There are times I feel all alone
There are friends and foes too
There are joy bubbles exploding
to bring some blues..
There are smooth rides and rough walks
There is patience following hurried do..

All the while,
I pray for things out of my reach
And secure things I have
when at times,
You are there to teach..
You let me dream of highs
when I stand at lowest moods
Wondering how long will I walk
through these dark woods?

Shades of life have been felt,
It's true..
When will I stop feeling or expecting
Bad or good..?
I no more desire worldly things
As what's my need I've no clue
There's now a humble request
from me to you,
Send me the work I was meant to do..

Just myself..

Whatever is mine
Whatever is meant for me
You've put forth before me..
No search just peace..
Take me not my Lord there,
Where I cannot reside,
Where my respect leaves and hides..
Just four walls of security,
With your ever forgiving love,
Deeds done with divine pride,
Let them be my true guide..
Let no reason be there in my mind
To weep or cry or fear with fright..
Faith always shine with me
that You're forever my light..

imagine but..

Imagination gives ideas
Ideas of a new world
World which could be better
Better than what it is
A fruitful imagination
is all that one leads
Not meant for an escape
from reality
If escapism happens
and reality seems bitter
Embrace the real thing
Leave imagining
Work on to make real things
Beautiful and better..

speak not..

no humans around
i hear no sounds
no sounds are there
they speak not
their egos are too sound
dummies all around
smiles and laughter
are not a reality
they speak not
their lives, live a duality
depend not on any body
do they really live a reality?
fighting with their own duality..
who will put efforts to break
their made up boundaries?

Relax

No shame in declaring
I am a weak..
In my weakness,
some solutions I seek..
Seek ways to overcome
before it goes beyond control,
Making me stand out of rolls..
Leaving me no where..
Yes, I know in fact,
this burden no one can share..
Not solved even by a sincere
prayer,
B'cause what's done is done..
Certain deeds are not fun
Routine is followed with rising
and setting of sun..
You're always on the run..
No friend or book helps you cope
You're left without a definite hope
Tears or smiles both want to stay
away from you..
And there's nothing much you can do
Except watch and let life pass by..
Like a mere spectator,
you see events happening leaving
memories of nanosecond's duration,
Wondering, pondering, where are you?
Who are you? and much more like that..
Just leave all, shut doors of heart, mind,
even your soul
Never attempt to act as if whole
It's time for you to sit back and
completely relax!
In due time you'll reach at a better pole.

when gone..

Each month's moon speaks of arrival
When finally there, you don't like it..
Wish it never ever happened..
And when their absence happen,
as if a long wish naturally granted,
You don't like it either..
There is a deep feeling,
A sense of loss..?
Makes you wonder,
How many times you did ponder
such episodes didn't exist at any cost!?
How much fuss and discomfort
they created?
And now,
When no more,
you wish they stayed some more..!
Their absence causes your bones to moan..
You had them so much as your own..
Your beauty depended much on them,
Proven compliments that till now you won..
Ah! Some were regular, became irregular too..
Temporarily gone when you became
 instead of one lovely two..!
Accompanied with severe pain not let you
go to visit the town..
Few were funny too when allowed to play
you like a being so strong..
Memories now linger for the remaining days..
Easy or hard, whatever made you feel whole
Leaving no room to blame them now..
Yeah..your guess is right,
Must thank gods for your each occurring
Menstrual Period!

Alone..

"Will you have someone like me?"; she asked
and watched..
It was not our first time we had such talks,
but never reflected and answered thus far..
What she was to me? I had myself to ask..
Just another or really a friend to fast?
I knew the answer and uttered at last..
It let her go..
Never to let her again such question ask..
Though she was not the girl I saw the last..
Many came and time let them go..
Asking such questions became so common..
Teaching new lessons to bring on their faces
either a smile or a frown..
Nothing touched deep inside called soul..
I wondered at times was there no hole?
I think I'm much better,
Alone..

thinking..

Bad, bad things..,
they make me sad.
Where are days,
that will make me glad?
Why is it that
I wait for them to come?
Why can't I by myself
let all darkness shun?
Do they have with them
all the fun?
Why days seem to play
some pun?
All the way I know still,
behind the clouds
hides a hopeful sun..

The test enjoyed

Tiniest of leaves swayed here and there
not knowing where..?
Air had the ultimate power
made it roll fly over and over
Fluttered, not uttered a word
while winds played with roar
bringing it to highest levels
making her think,
how can things be so clever..?
In no time, did she realize
she had li'l to do
just let all be,
wondering was she a fool.?
Experience savored,
her silence proving her nest,
her journey was her own
she need not compete
or be the best..
Simply appear for and
enjoy the test.

your strength

Strength not is borrowed
or given away in charity
Strength is not bought
in highest of paid markets
Is with in not hidden too deep
tapped enough in time
Knock and you shall find
Your conscience awakes
to arise and remind
Becomes best friend indeed
Strength to be content with
what you have your own
Strength to accept the same
is the best courage shown
Strength to overcome loss
and keep your head high
Keeps you on righteous path
no matter what world says
you overcome all by and by..

The key

Add..
Add some more..
And more,, some more..
Unceasing additions
Add confusions,,
More and more..
In quest of,
Some proper cure..
While simple things
Ignored..
Happiness key
At last found
In as simple as
Simplicity..

face..

"I can sit on
ground, if work
so demands.."
such remark made
no mark on me
as I searched
the best place full
of day light
asking a peon to dust
it and make things
shine bright,
not minding if
work waits for
few more minutes..
And before I could
sit to work,
just in time
I see the same
man who claimed
high sincerity
sitting on my place..
Men have double faces,
why not face..?

How spent?

Fretting when things
not gone your way?
Listen someone holds
you from tempting shout
on that day..
Pick up yourself all
threads from first to
last arranging your
best as others just
watch or pray..
Leave the site for
other disarray..
Work is never done
for some..
Their lives demanding
more and more..
Well spent is all at end
they can say..

pure power

dragons shine brightly
swords taken lightly
fires roar rightly
Mother Earth happens to show
Her wrath has ever proved
the awaited judgement
Power so pure
won mightily
shadows vanish as if were never
places recovered their sanctity..

where's the feast?

lighten your burden
thou heavy beast
animal like is thy feast
this world of yours
gory athiest
take this matter
not serious a bit
bury no ashes
they have no limits
hurry no more
skip human cries instead
keep enjoying your feast..

Let Happen..

As I moved through these dusty path
Sky imbibed particles to dull sun-shine
Settled all over included nostrils, eyes
Trees dead sulked folded green memoirs
Mountains fell broken rocks to no avail
Dried rivers mourned the day how melted
Waters then formed soon evaporated
Clouds unfulfilled dreams of showers
Earth's crust  thirst dried thus eroded
Volcanoes' tall furies engulfed wood, beasts
Heard by highest heavens, queries stood
Watched for cessation, calmness was food
Blankness, an origin. A perfect cure..

drop of power

Power abound
Ceaseless
Limitless
Just a drop
Waits ever to fall
Soul opens to
Accept all
Touch or just feel
Moving always
Towards Our Own Selves
From known to unknown
Shedding ignorance..
Knowing that
Not before known..

Know not ?

No knowledge of God
Is it possible?
Some say, they know..
They've seen..
Or felt..
Or maybe are already with Him.
Knowingly or unknowingly,
We all are Him..
With Him..
Being Him..
And we say,
We know
Or know not..?

lost lives

pleasing
well composed
big eyes
they speak, they say
still what was heard
startled me
beautiful girls
are beaten too
left unloved with
children two
never to be cared again
while they survive
in parents' home
at mercy of brothers
and their wives
struggling lives
strangers' prying eyes
with no roads to freedom
freedom to stand
on their own
do they take the one
leaving behind suicide note
or embrace dear depression
expecting sympathy from
all and one
left behind to fate
one by one
why can't they make
a proper decision?
some lives are just lost
never won
even if you try
a helping hand
or an advice
you understand soon
they require none..
they are made,
just attention seekers..
you too leave then...

mind free

what am i searching?
attention seeking
like her
a histrionic?
problems created
or do they exist?
introspect
or a play list?
there is something
there has to be
then why not?
let all feel and see
no, they cannot
they are too busy
let them be
maybe
my mind is too free..

guilt faced

Shutting the doors
I went away..
I know,
I had not done
till this day..
The moment demanded
I knew,
I was wrong
And so were they..
Scorning will happen
a day,
I didn't think
Or I did..
But that moment,
was a rage
Had to be done
Punished,
who was?
Debate will always lay
Better not discuss
And forget the day
I did it,
Guilt is there,
It's well
Had to be done
Hiding will take place
I know,
was wrong but
had to be done
Irrespective of hurt or guilt
afterwards occurred,
It still tortures and will more
in future..
I think I'll do again the same
If such thing happens again
or maybe I'll understand better
reasons to ignore
and avoid
an unavoidable incidence
only not to feel guilty later
wondering,
for times to come,
why and how
I could do it?
Scared of myself
I am indeed.. 

go stories go..

Fed by stories
All my life
Life containing parts
made of you
Who gave permission
Neither me nor you
Still is there..
Why stories?
Why not real life?
Didn't know, your strife?
Whom to blame then or now?
Happened somehow..
Should not have,
Like many things..
That have..
Letting go,
So easily used this term..
Happens by itself
Apparent as self,
Recurs again
With more or less pain
Avoidance is the choice
Foremost, though done at last..
Damn that past!

No more visit to..

Visits to places of worship

Searching answers..

They don't understand

Have no answer

Just advice,

Follow the norms

Otherwise,

Disaster!

No more visiting such places

No more pleading God

I've found God

That God in You

No more visiting those places

They take me

Away from You..

Keep me with You.

that time..

Unfortunate,
was it?
Or made it,
ourselves?
By our own hands
expecting for the other to..
Proceedings,
that never took place..
Was it my mistake?
Bring back..
I'll give you,
those lacking smiles,
required so much,
that time..

fight

who's weak?
who cannot tolerate strong.
who's strong?
who knows whom to
show strength?
weak remains weak
or grows strong
it's not done in a week
either remain or leave
proving as meek
whatever
win or lose
fight till the days are over

all happens here

a one man army
you said
and i agree
how many know
as much as me
you can be
so scary
and then again
as if it was all futile
i see a human caring
oh it too is a lie
something daring
no no just wait
comes depressed
bleeding and cutting
awful
don't go a lover's at the door
knock knock
did you get a shock
he'll slap you for a kiss
and before you think
heart burnt tears at verge
of dropping
thinking to dismiss everything
you're made to stay back
as sage appears to bring
solace to an attack
and the show goes on..
you remain on the channel
keeping aside all things
which your mind reminds
to hold on..
yeah i see
again a response
i'll leave this place
some day
for the time being
am stuck like sponge..
sometimes weak
sometimes strong..

your tricky mind at play..

I don't mind a story
made up or true
depicted beautifully
man learns from mistakes
life is not a walk on cake
you meet all sorts of people
rarely real mostly fake
if blame comes on me
i know to shout with rage
but if reason given and understood
i can close forever that page
all bad qualities mentioned
happens in all no one spared today
have you seen a perfect
wait till flaws come to surface
that's all i say..
life is gamble we all must play
throwing caution to air
apply free will to create each day
then you will not feel depressed
and never be need to complain
while worries kept at bay..

didn't know..

I'm sorry I never knew you
Only my own pain I thought
was much more and true
B'cause I didn't know you
If I look back and ask
Why it happened
B'cause of you
You didn't want me
to know you
Are you a know all person?
Yes, you are
I look back and see
My words were few
Much with time said adieu
I lost myself in the way
Became what my time did say
But you,
Your words are endless
Never dry
I don't know much
Still I try
They warn me
My stars not bright
If I go by heart
I'll astray from right
I wonder and fear
and then their warnings tear
There's nothing to worry
Nothing to be afraid
I'm with someone
Who'll never let me down
I cannot go wrong
or go astray
His words teach much more
Than I know I'll ever be
able to learn in this one life
I'm nothing I remind myself
each day
A mere drop in sea of words
I come across
Incomparable, I must say
I'm sorry, I didn't know you
Nor will I be able to....

never

So you've got me all wrong
No this time
I'm not going to feel
Awkward or ashamed
I am what I am
Your opinion
Matters to an extent
But then
Your intentions..?
I'll wait
Till they be cleaned
Suffer..
I suppose you do
Maybe not
Suffer..
Like I did
Present is the life
I live
You happen just
like a shadow in it
Yes, we both know,
You're not coming back
Then please don't hurt
It's as clear as that..
You've many who'll
follow you,
encourage you..
Sorry, never me!

a road to light..

traversing all roads
all roads that mention
a name that goes with it..

all roads are dark
they do not tell where
i must go to find that i lost

did i lose that was never mine
which road will bring answer
visions move and rewind

did you see me walking alone
gulping sorrows crying in pain
no lamp posts way too blind

eyes watching reporting
none approach to help
if fall, let her; was it not their crime?

they knew, knowledge was theirs
how come myself trapped
wanting that never would be mine

i remember such walk when
tried to be clueless alone
nothing my own

and then appeared you
yes it was you in my mind
who talked and talked

day and night
blessed i was
yes more than ever fine

reality has no roads
to bring back me to you
or you to me

though i remember again
there were roads dark there
i left in the mid way years back

when i got you and you were mine
see, it happened then
and was enacted again

now, i know the answer
you are mine yet undefined
higher at the altar wait for me

as i strive on the road that
will bring me up in your line
removing all blinds

it may take a day or a life time
i'll go within where the road is
waiting waiting waiting

where finishes the final line
where tears filled with joy
say, please stop, here's the light..

arrival

delusions have followed
me most of my life
i feel i'm the cursed,
hoping a day arrives
every curse turns blessing
in disguise..

heart hears..

I want to hear
what I want to hear

While what I hear is all
except what I want to hear

No matter what I hear
My stubborn heart denies
what my ears hear

As she hears deep distant
whispers that no one can hear

And each day I helplessly watch
her following those whispers
I wish everyone could hear..

Scared or happy,
cannot decide for meaningless
these things,

No goal by her side
Just following whispers coming
only for her keeping all aside..

those warriors..

He says,
he's seen many summers
come and go..
He fears not saying
not missed even a single show..
Read so much and so much more..
And when they were
rejecting all candidates..
Only one in hundreds
came to the state,
he disagreed them with contempt
made them selected to later state
as they all proved him true,
for they all laid their
lives fighting bravely
in that war..
And he still remembers the days
when they ran outside the gates
voices filled with joy
He had made their lives
that day..
All the way knowing,
Now, where are they?

noises..

this noise takes me
no where..
no thoughts intrude
no person enters
no wishes, though left
where are the birds?
are these beasts only left?
making noises
left with no choices
what are they for?
have they no work?
no mission, no love
suffering?
are they not?
wearing masks they bark
results unaware
daring not a task
noises are only left
to exist
to persist
nothing left
dawn comes and goes
this darkness persists
with all its depths..

I knew..

I wanted to rush into safe lap
of yours whenever she shouted
and cried and was beaten up..
Will this be also my destiny
some day in disguise..
I despised still all that my eyes
witnessed behind curtains to hide..
Tender age when children played
outside ran and had fun
I was there to hear her
sobbing stories determined
for her to fight..
You knew what I was going through
unloved aloof fighting inside
knowing I was growing differently..
You called me many times
and I denied, for I knew I had
place here to see one day
changed times..
Did they change..?
Yes, but not for me..
Amid chaos I started dreaming..
And saw I was different, quiet
Quieter than the rest, but not quitter..
There came a time, when spoke for the right
And was listened, with delight
I was able to put wrong to right..
Slow but steady was the call
And I knew I'll move on to
some worthy destination
if not fast, with some delays,
Maybe better for me than
every time put a fight..
Scared unsure yet confident enough
going through long routes
treasuring experiences that
brought upon some light
I was still dreaming,
there is someone though not seen
Who's for me, who knows me
whether I'm wrong or right
I had faith, deep inside
though nothing visible to an eye
Years have gone and I have
compromised,
b'cause dreams hang on skies so high
And there are roads to survive
Wings are torn by those whom you
know they owe you this life of strife
And promises follow natural course
Each day making your life..
Dreams watch you from far away
laughing at you as through steep
routes you stumble and slide..
And you thank the powers
things are better as you remember
they could have been worse
While how many dreams burnt away
keeping such thoughts aside..
Are they going to grab my soul
in solitude when I let them
flow on paper..
Just enough to guide..

don't go away..

Standing besides sea shore
Waves splash after splash
No intentions to move
I let them say
They beat me up
Sending me to memories
deep that lay still alive
Breathing hard as if
something to say..
Don't go away..

Nights..

Late night uneasy steps
Walking through corridors
Not wanting to go inside..

Waiting outside some doors
Yet unable to knock
As if death by my side..

So many nights
Spent that way
As if to get what
Everyone seemed to hide..

But why..?
Had no answer
That answer kept me awake
For so many nights..

Till people came to know
and said..
Insomniac turned schizoid
Talks to ghosts all night..

.. is not for me

Why you write all this
when you don't mean anything?
When we're not destined to meet?
Why you write all this?
Your imagination is for whom?
If not for me then for whom?
If not for me then why it makes me cry?
Why it leads me to those paths I cannot try?
Why why I say why you make me cry
when you don't mean anything?
I cannot halt what you write
with feelings maybe or just to write
I cannot halt my reading even if
it dims the insight,
One thing I can do,
I'll never write for you..
and console myself it's not for me,
howsoever I may feel the blues..